There’s just something about Sundays. Ask Lionel Richie. He’s easy like a Sunday morning. Yep, it’s Sunday, meaning you’ll find bells ringing, doors wide open, and a whole lot of people in church today.
What you WON’T see are even more people who, even though they may believe in God, have decided they’ll never, ever set foot in any building with anything resembling a steeple attached to it nor sit their butt down in a church pew, period. It would take a book half as thick as the IRS tax code to address all the reasons people have, but there’s one of them, probably THE most common one of all, that I find most intriguing. It goes something like this:
“Too many hypocrites! Those guys in there sin just like everyone else, and look at them, going to church. Who do they think they are?”
Hmm.
Just curious. Anybody out there know an alcoholic? Imagine hearing the following statement out of his (or her) mouth. “Nah, I’ll never attend an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting. No way! Too many people there with drinking problems!”
Imagine keeping a straight face if they told you that people who attend AA meetings, yet relapse into their addictive behavior, then have the nerve to come back again and again to weekly meetings are nothing but “hypocrites”. After all, shouldn’t they just be honest? Isn’t it less hypocritical to just go hit happy hour instead and stop trying to kid everyone by attending these stupid meetings?
Try to keep that straight face as your alcoholic friend complains about the guy leading the meeting. “Man, isn’t he the worst hypocrite of all? After all, it’s not like HE’s lived a life free of alcohol-addiction. Yet here he is, trying to guide people to sobriety, when he HIMSELF has problems?” And finally, try to hold it together as your alcoholic friend swigs another shot and informs you, “Yep, I’d GO to an AA meeting….if it weren’t for all those hypocrites there!”
It’s Sunday morning. Those church doors are open, and the pews filled with (brace yourself) sinners! Yep, everywhere you look, from the clean-cut guy in the suit and tie who’s cheating on his wife holding a newborn baby to the little old lady in the front row who can’t stop gossiping about others, this place is FULL of hypocrites and sinners of every kind.
Starting with….ME! Let me introduce myself. I’m Mark Mulligan. Let’s see, for starters, I envy others who are more talented than me, try to come off as a nice guy in public yet when I’m pissed use language so profane it’d make Larry Flynt blush, am frequently selfish in putting my own needs first, often secretly wish bad thing upon my enemies, often if not typically treat God as an afterthought in my daily life, claim to have “faith” yet often doubt in God’s mere existence when seeing innocent people suffer, and publicly host a radio show with “Jesus” in the title while the words I utter on it are often empty, devoid of feeling and actual connection with God. How’s that for hypocrisy? But hey, we’re just getting started!
The Ten Commandments? OK, except for that one about killing someone (note, I haven’t been convicted yet), I’ve broken ‘em all. Shoot, even the very FIRST one I break on basically a daily basis, before we even work our way down the list to the one I’ve had multiple rounds with over my lifetime, that pesky NINTH commandment.
Lying? Oh, I’ve got that one covered. I’ve denied being a fan of “Culture Club” even though I secretly loved their first three albums. I once told a house concert host that her home-made salsa was delicious when it literally made me want to barf on her tablecloth. I act interested and say “Yes, yes, I’m listening” when some attendee during a break at my live show drones on and on about what kind of fertilizer they use, when the truth is, I don’t CARE.
Truth is, I’ve lied about things FAR worse than that. I’ve been untruthful in my friendships, in my first marriage, with God, with myself, you name it.
I could go on and on about the well-earned, full-fledged status I’ve achieved as a hypocritical sinner, but we’ve only got a few hours here, so I’ll skip the REALLY juicy stuff and cut to the chase. Here I am in a church, where week after week, I say “Amen” (meaning “I believe”) following sermons, Bible readings and gospel messages that preach a totally different way of life than the one I so often choose to live, all delivered by a human being on an altar who, by the way, happens to be equally sinful and hypocritical.
Yet here I am. Like that alcoholic at an AA meeting who attends yet still realizes his addiction, I’m not here because I’ve conquered my sinfulness. I’m here, surrounded by fellow sinners, precisely because I HAVEN’T conquered my sinfulness.
I don’t come here because I’m NOT a hypocrite. I come because I AM one.
Just like the crowd of hypocrites and sinners that surround me, from the guy in the back who once did time in the slammer for domestic abuse to the woman down the pew who regrets the decision to take the life of her unborn son or daughter, to the balding dude off to the side with the secret online porn addiction. We’ve got ‘em all. Sinners, hypocrites, know-it-alls, liars, thieves, politicians (I know, I’m being repetitive) you name it. I’m just one of ‘em.
And hey, if your reason for not being here is because of hypocrites like me, and you could not be described as one in ANY aspect of YOUR life, then honestly, I want to congratulate you. Your next bar tab’s on me. Because you, yes YOU, are the first human freaking being in recorded history, aside from Jesus, the Son of God himself, to live a life free of hypocrisy. You rock!
No worries. I’ll scoot over.
